Saturday, July 31, 2004

Tigerfest - Sunday Herald

Woo-hoo! It's my Tigerfest article from the Sunday Herald!

Monday, July 26, 2004

Holy fucking shit!

Wow! Beardblog is no longer a one man enterprise. I have been awaiting Neil's blogging debut and he hasn't disappointed me. Yes, yes, y'all, the Ferrell will appear in Beard #2. Neil and myself have long been aware of his genius. He's the only good thing about Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back (now there's a good subject for Witness the Shitness - Kevin Smith. One good film and the rest lazy bullshit designed to placate your fanboys). I particularly like an SNL sketch where our hero plays Blue Oyster Cult's cowbell player. Christopher Walken is the producer. Now, if that isn't a recipe for comedic delictation you can go eat a Pot Noodle. While watching Vicar of Dibley. Yeah, motherfucker.
This has thrown me off my original idea for a post and I'm a  bit drunk so I'm not quite sure what it was supposed to be. My apologies. Just back from seeing the mighty Fractal Jack, Glasgow's metal uberlords. They totally, like, fucken rocked, dude! But seriously, they were awesome. Having crossed the extreme noise rubicon that was Borbetomagus, I'm ready for anything. The first band on were fucking lame. They claimed to be trash, but they were feeble. The drummer was rotten. Utterly lacking a sense of rhythm. The most predictable fills - uh, just pish. But the Jack kicked it. The song titles alone should indicate their mightiness - Rock Chocolate, 5 Minute Trash Workout...
I liked the band beforehand. The singer was a diminutive trash goblin, glorifying in his premature balding. And they had a flying V. I even bumped into them on the train home. These boys are from Stirling? Where have they been hiding? They kick ass.
Anyway, my point. I had a point. (Yes, I'm aware I'm ripping off Bill Hicks, so what'cha gonna do, peckerhead. Ah, that's Pryor now. Sorry, I'm being very abusive. But it's all very affectionate. I'm not an aggresive person at all. I love puppies and pretty girls and candy floss, y'know.)
So I left a message on the Giant Sand website where the great Howe Gelb occasionally posts himself. I was simply expressing my opinion that the Sand should come and play Glasgow. They've got a London date scheduled for October, and that's it for these isles. Let's start a campaign. I'm gonna talk to Dep at Monorail about this. An instore Howe Gelb at Mono would be amazing. Maybe Steven Pastel can sort it out. Here's hoping! Power to the people.
As I write I'm playing the beautiful, elegiac Chore of Enchantment. I find it very moving. It's dedicated to Howe's buddy Rainer, the slide guitar genius, and ends with a snippet of Rainer's home recording - just a preciously sweet dobro doodle. Such a touching way to end the album. And in the context of such gorgeous songs as Bottom Line Man, Astonished, Raw, Dirty From the Rain. Howe is a great lyricist. "Something's in the water, besides a moon that don't know when to quit", the bit about the gumspots spelling out your name in Astonished...
Can't wait till the new album in September. The track on the Uncut CD is good, but I'm sure there is more, much more. I wanna go to Arizona! Feel the sand, the dust on my brow... 

One last thing - Channel Four showed that shitty controversial videos show last night. Hmmph!
That fucking genetic disorder Jack Osbourne thought the Prodigy/Jonas Ackerlund's indefensibly nasty Smack My Bitch Up video was, like, brilliant, and not at all misogynist, 'cos, like, it's a WOMAN that does all that fucked up shit. Such a feeble argument. The fact that the camera/protagonist looks into the mirror to reveal it's a woman who's been snorting, fighting and fucking her way through the whole sordid affair makes it no less misogynistic - in fact, it's all the more misogynistic 'cos it's simply a pathetic male fantasy. Jonas Ackerlund said it was funny. Prick. And has anyone actually seen Jack Osbourne's god-awful, foot-suckingly bad MTV show. Where he bangs on about "chicks with big knockers". It seems that MTV has gone from presenting subversive shows like Beavis and Butthead to celebrating the very idiocy and consumer driven vacuity Mike Judge's great cartoon set out to satirise. I mean, Punk'd? What's that all about? Jeremy Beadle with trucker caps as one commentator put it. Ashton Kutcher can go get fuck'd.

Right, that's enough of my ranting. Night all!

Sunday, July 25, 2004


Greetings. This is the first time I dip my paddle/wet my beak/shizzle my swizzle in blog-world. I hope it will be a long and self-actualizing experience for us all. While you digest that sentence, bask in the slendour of the  inimitable genius of Mr. Will Ferrell, who is featured in Beard 2.

"And I'm Ron Burgundy. Go fuck yourself, San Diego."

Do not miss Anchorman.

Friday, July 23, 2004

About time I updated...

Yes, it is about time. I've been flitting between business and idleness. Been helping out at the Sunday Herald review a couple of times. No pay, but I got my name in print at least. Look out for my gigs of the week on Sunday. I also liberated a good pile of promo CDs from their big box of rejects. Some interesting stuff too. The new 80s Matchbox single, which is hilarious and groovy, the new Modest Mouse album (pleasant, but no Yoshimi or Deserter's Songs), White Magic (sub Cat Power whimsy), and an Estelle album sampler. The Estelle single, 1980, has been causing some controversy on the Plan B forum. Some people love it, others think it's a big pile of poo. I think it's a cracking wee tune, and being a child of 1980 I can appreciate all the references. The string and vocal loop is swish and Estelle's touches of singing are relatively understated. Unfortunately, the other tracks on the sampler aren't anywhere in the same class. A couple suffer from slick session muso soul backings. It would be a shame to see Estelle follow the Ms Dynamite route of a cracking debut followed by a patchy album. Still, she might have held back the good stuff.
I also picked up a Red Krayola singles collection, which should be interesting...
Beard #2 is coming along nicely. Two big features fully laid out, a provisional front page, some redesigns, and various bits and bobs on the go. We have far more contributors this time, bringing all kinds of goodness to the table.
Oh, yeah - T in the Park. It was a good weekend. For my reviews see Beard #2 and Is This Music?
Great to see a Beard hero get nominated for the Mercury Prize. Yes, yes, y'all it's Robert Wyatt. BEst of all he's said it would be a disgrace for him to win and he's only going for the free meal. What a hero. 

I thought this was rather good. Queer eye for the Franz guy if you will (shoot me now)...

Friday, July 09, 2004

Fancy a brew?

Yay! I'm off to T in the Park. Was summoned at the last minute by Is This Music? The original reviewer pulled out or something, so I was asked to take his place.
What's on my list of must sees? Let's see: Pixies, PJ Harvey, Franz, Uncle John & Whitelock, Sons & Daughters, Wu Tang Clan (I don't hold high hopes though), The Rapture...
Also looking forward to Josh Wink, if only to experience Higher State of Consciousness in a club (hey, I was too young to hear it first time round), Mylo, Ben Kweller, Beta Band, Chemicals, Felix Da Housecat, Dogs Die In Hot Cars... Think I'll also catch a bit of the Scissor Sisters. Camp people romping around to Elton John disco fever can't fail to entertain. I'd like to see Orbital, but it's going to be between them and the Pixies - no contest I'm afraid. Orbital should headline instead of the Strokes man! Perfect way to finish the fest.

Oh yeah - latest Ideas Factory stuff:

Dogs Die In Hot Cars

Merchant City

Thursday, July 08, 2004

High voltage man

Current listening:
Donovan - Season of the Witch
Electric Prunes - Get Me To the World On Time
The Magic Band - Peel Session
Bruce Chatwin - The Songlines
Paul Morley - Words and Music
Evelyn Waugh - Scoop

Been a while eh? Ah well, I've been dossing around enjoying my semi-unemployment.
Beard #2 is starting to take shape. At least in my head.
Better still, it looks I'm going to be doing some reviews for the List.
My application for the BBC researcher job is in. Fingers crossed.

Fried my brain on Monday night experiencing the Magic Band at the Arches. An extraordinary gig, one of the very best I've been to. Skronkadelic baby! My review will appear in Beard #2.
THey were much better than Television, who were a little lacking in tension and energy. The playing was immaculate of course - but this is rock 'n roll, not chamber music. That said Little Johnny Jewel, Prove It and Marquee Moon (natch) sounded mighty.

Bought a scanner and spent all last night and this morning scanning in old pics. A trip down memory lane (sniffle) - I've also been able to touch up underexposed pics, or crop pics to improve the composition, which gives them new life.
I realise that talking about pictures without showing them is somewhat pointless. So here's a nice blurry shot from my January trip to Paris.

Le Metro Jan 2004 Posted by Hello